Too Much to Live For..
So although i've been told that the cancer is incurable i've always lived by the fact that i don't like letting people down...
Imagine how my dad would feel, his only son, giving up and dying when he was only 19, he always says the old saying of "i want you to bury me, not the other way around".. love ya dad..
I can't say i'd be here without my family.. they've been through so much, more than me really, to be honest i'd much rather be the person with cancer then the person watching someone go through it, i simply couldn't do it.. especially if it was my dad.
My pop has cancer, prostrate cancer.. but he seems to be doing quite well, that old bugger just won't give up, and he keeps on going day in day out, he first got bowel cancer when he was about 60 i believe, and now he's like 66-67.. good effort pop.
Today i took some apricot kernals, i've got about 30 or so left in this packet that i'm determined to finish today, just to prove to myself that it's not that hard, and also to build a routine up.
I don't want to let anyone down.. I know that if my girlfriend had cancer, she shouldn't wouldnt be lying down and giving up, she'd want to live!
Sometimes it's not so easy, after so many years you think maybe it's time, but nah, i'm prepared to keep going until i beat this sucker now.. times get tough, i need to get tougher..
I've considered the thought of passing this link on to my parents today, but i just don't know how they'd handle it, hopefully they wouldn't harass me more.. i know they care and just want the best, but all they can do is be there for me when i need them, otherwise i need to do this thing myself.
I've been waking up quite late now, and getting way too much sleep which in turn is making me lethargic and giving my mind the impression that it's because of the cancer, i need to switch that idea off because it's bulls**t, I just need to get into some decent physical exercise again, and not worry a thing about the cancer.. I think that's a contributing factor as to why i've gone on so long and still seem quite healthy, because i've never really let it get to me.. sure every now and then i might get a little upset, but i've never layed around in bed and cried my little heart out, i've worked full time most of the time of having it, only problem is my resume looks bad because i've had to stop work for operations. heh.
To sum the post up, i'm not going to give up...i've too much to live for, to much to achieve in my life, so many things i haven't done, so many things i want to do, places i want to be and see.. and i won't die until i get them done.
Imagine how my dad would feel, his only son, giving up and dying when he was only 19, he always says the old saying of "i want you to bury me, not the other way around".. love ya dad..
I can't say i'd be here without my family.. they've been through so much, more than me really, to be honest i'd much rather be the person with cancer then the person watching someone go through it, i simply couldn't do it.. especially if it was my dad.
My pop has cancer, prostrate cancer.. but he seems to be doing quite well, that old bugger just won't give up, and he keeps on going day in day out, he first got bowel cancer when he was about 60 i believe, and now he's like 66-67.. good effort pop.
Today i took some apricot kernals, i've got about 30 or so left in this packet that i'm determined to finish today, just to prove to myself that it's not that hard, and also to build a routine up.
I don't want to let anyone down.. I know that if my girlfriend had cancer, she shouldn't wouldnt be lying down and giving up, she'd want to live!
Sometimes it's not so easy, after so many years you think maybe it's time, but nah, i'm prepared to keep going until i beat this sucker now.. times get tough, i need to get tougher..
I've considered the thought of passing this link on to my parents today, but i just don't know how they'd handle it, hopefully they wouldn't harass me more.. i know they care and just want the best, but all they can do is be there for me when i need them, otherwise i need to do this thing myself.
I've been waking up quite late now, and getting way too much sleep which in turn is making me lethargic and giving my mind the impression that it's because of the cancer, i need to switch that idea off because it's bulls**t, I just need to get into some decent physical exercise again, and not worry a thing about the cancer.. I think that's a contributing factor as to why i've gone on so long and still seem quite healthy, because i've never really let it get to me.. sure every now and then i might get a little upset, but i've never layed around in bed and cried my little heart out, i've worked full time most of the time of having it, only problem is my resume looks bad because i've had to stop work for operations. heh.
To sum the post up, i'm not going to give up...i've too much to live for, to much to achieve in my life, so many things i haven't done, so many things i want to do, places i want to be and see.. and i won't die until i get them done.
posted by dgf at
1:21 PM
4 Comments:
Hi
Your story so far... feels very inspirational to me. Keep it going until you can calm your thoughts and write your book. I believe it is very important to many people how people your young age are dealing with these illnesses.
How many people would benefit from your positive brave thinking. A few years back I watch a documentary in which one of the cases say about a young man who's one way of trying to heal his cancer was with medidation. In his mind he would think that he was in a very beautiful place where a cascade was running down the mountain. He would imagine that the cascade was actually running through his body like a cleansing fluid. As I remember I think the results were possitive.
I think it is also very good that you are eating healthy.
This is my first experience with this type of communication (blog) so I had to sign in as anonymous, (haven't got a blog or webpage). Thank you for sharing your story.
By
Anonymous, at 12:20 PM
Hi
I would like to say that I admire your bravery. One way or another, death comes to us all. It is not so much about quantity of life, but quality of life.
From your posts it appears that you are keeping the worst from those who love you, yet at the same time you are telling the whole world by putting your story on the net. I sense that you are scared, and you have a right to be. You are too young to go through this sort of trauma, but you are dealing with the cards that you have been dealt.
The only piece of advice that I can give is simply to live your life and trust those who love you. If you are hurting, then share your pain with your loved ones. It does not stop the pain, but it provides a mutual understanding and common ground that helps to ease everyones burden. You see, quality of life is not a single life experience, it is an accumulated experience that comes from sharing both your joy and pain with those you love. It is the memories that you leave behind, both the happy and sad moments. I wish you well.
By
Anonymous, at 10:35 PM
if one day i can say that im half as brave as you've ever been then ill die a happy woman
:')
By
Anonymous, at 10:57 PM
Thankyou all for the comments,there's some big ones there.. it's good to know there are people i don't even know reading my blogs and giving me an insight as to what they think.. thanks guys.. keep reading :)
By
dgf, at 11:35 PM
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