Cancer: Why we're still dying to know the truth

I didn't go to the doctors until 6 months after having symptoms relating to cancer, i don't post on here for months, i put off things until i absolutely cannot anymore, simply because it's easier that way I am the king of procrastination my dad always told me i was good at it, but i didn't know i was this good!

Cancer::Why we're still dying to know the truth

My aunty bought this book off the internet for me the other day, i'd heard alot about it but never bothered to get it, just another one of my procrastination methods, if i ride this out long enough the cancer will just go away right? wrong.

It's time i did something about all this because otherwise it's the other time, time to die. And that's something i definately do not want.

You know this book is fantastic, but in reality it hasn't told me a whole lot of stuff that i didn't already know, i've just been naieve to think that i could do what i want, eat what i want, drink as much alcohol as i want. wrong again wow for somebody who thinks he's always right i sure am wrong alot ahaha!

I knew the chemotherapy and radiation was killing me, and my famous saying was always "this chemo will kill me long before the cancer ever will" which is why i stopped!

This book backs up pretty much what i said but explains it a little more in depth.

IT also discusses the dietary foods you should and shouldn't eat and believe you me the foods you think are good for you, actually aren't, at least not when you've got cancer... forget fruits, too much sugar, forget dairy.. don't even think about breads and other bread derrivatives(i.e crackers,biscuits.)

But my two favourite salad foods cucumber and celery are a big + as well as fresh range eggs, deep caught fish, garlic, onions(my breath will be great) and many others. All of this sounds easy enough to follow although as i'm the master of procrastination it may not be so simple.

I'm going to find it very hard to have no flavoured drinks, soft drinks, not even juices! at least 8 glasses of water a day and maybe a mix of some vitamin C complex in the morning might be the only flavour i get, and that flavour ain't too special at the best of times!

Back to the book however, it is great so far, seriously what i have read of the way doctors think alternative therapies are ridiculous are all too true from what i've heard from my specialists and i'm growing to dislike the pharmceutical companies more and more everyday.

The Cancer Gravy Train

You can make a serious living out of this sickness, the cancer drug industry is a multi-billion dollar industry, chemotherapy alone makes over $7 billion a year.

When this book was published over 500,000 Americans were dying every year of cancer and 5MILLION in the last decade!

If you want to purchase this book i seriously recommend it, even if you don't have cancer and simply want to do your best at preventing it check it out.

Cancer: Why We're Still Dying to Know the Truth [paperback] Cancer: Why We're Still Dying to Know the Truth by Phillip Day ISBN: 953501248 (210 pages) The explosive overview of the news the world has waited to hear. This book exposes the ongoing establishment cover-up over Vitamin B17, the answer to cancer and its prevention. It further details the astonishing track record of amygdalin (laetrile) in its role within the combined cancer treatment known as Metabolic Therapy. Whether you have cancer, or are exercising prevention for you and your family, this is the book with big answers. Full details on treatment and prevention options are given, including how to obtain Metabolic Therapy kits and products. $34.00 and well worth it

I won't worry my life away..

Did 40 yesterday....

40 apricot kernals that is, think i felt a bit worst for wear after it though, it's hard to get used to so many, but 60 doesn't look all that much in the container they're in.

I'd like to say this post would be brief, but chances are it will be a long and winding load of bullshit that amounts to nothing in the end. :)

So i want to do some things, i can't really think of anything i want to do exactly, but i know i want to discover a bit more about the world, about life, i'd like to think i have some good life experience as it is, more than 90% of people my age at least.

This sure has been an experience.

Too Much to Live For..

So although i've been told that the cancer is incurable i've always lived by the fact that i don't like letting people down...

Imagine how my dad would feel, his only son, giving up and dying when he was only 19, he always says the old saying of "i want you to bury me, not the other way around".. love ya dad..

I can't say i'd be here without my family.. they've been through so much, more than me really, to be honest i'd much rather be the person with cancer then the person watching someone go through it, i simply couldn't do it.. especially if it was my dad.

My pop has cancer, prostrate cancer.. but he seems to be doing quite well, that old bugger just won't give up, and he keeps on going day in day out, he first got bowel cancer when he was about 60 i believe, and now he's like 66-67.. good effort pop.

Today i took some apricot kernals, i've got about 30 or so left in this packet that i'm determined to finish today, just to prove to myself that it's not that hard, and also to build a routine up.

I don't want to let anyone down.. I know that if my girlfriend had cancer, she shouldn't wouldnt be lying down and giving up, she'd want to live!

Sometimes it's not so easy, after so many years you think maybe it's time, but nah, i'm prepared to keep going until i beat this sucker now.. times get tough, i need to get tougher..

I've considered the thought of passing this link on to my parents today, but i just don't know how they'd handle it, hopefully they wouldn't harass me more.. i know they care and just want the best, but all they can do is be there for me when i need them, otherwise i need to do this thing myself.

I've been waking up quite late now, and getting way too much sleep which in turn is making me lethargic and giving my mind the impression that it's because of the cancer, i need to switch that idea off because it's bulls**t, I just need to get into some decent physical exercise again, and not worry a thing about the cancer.. I think that's a contributing factor as to why i've gone on so long and still seem quite healthy, because i've never really let it get to me.. sure every now and then i might get a little upset, but i've never layed around in bed and cried my little heart out, i've worked full time most of the time of having it, only problem is my resume looks bad because i've had to stop work for operations. heh.

To sum the post up, i'm not going to give up...i've too much to live for, to much to achieve in my life, so many things i haven't done, so many things i want to do, places i want to be and see.. and i won't die until i get them done.

The story so far..

It seems a few people are a little confused with the posts i've put up last night in regards to my story so far... most of these things except for the last post happened within the last 3-4 months as i was writing my book, and at current i'm on a natural product called Apricot Kernals, they're known to treat and cure cancer, and i've heard from three different people who don't know each other, that this is the case... i've been taking these and off chemotherapy for about 2 and a half months now, and at late i've been a little bit slack with them.

I went for a checkup about a month and a half ago(times may be a little out of wack, i'm not sure how long it was exactly) and they said that nothing had changed, now you may see this as a bad thing, but three months before that, they had found a growth in my chest, and multiple in my liver, so the fact that nothing had grown in 3 months since, was a good sign. i'm hoping that my next test will reveal the same or even better results but i really need to eat alot more healthier then i have been, more strictness with my diet, and focus on my apricot kernals 110%.

My life has been one stress after another at the moment after losing my job last friday due to me having two days off from exhaustion, and the boss believing that i wasn't sick at all and firing me. He knew my circumstances which ticked me off slightly that he would think that i would fake it. IF there's one thing that i hate, it's people feeling sorry for me unneccessarily, i would never pretend to be sick, which i guess is why i've covered up having pain for so long to my girlfriend.

So more to the stresses is the fact that i now have no money, can't afford to live off the disgusting money centrelink expects you to live off when you're too sick too work, and my housemate is moving out as soon as i find a new job. So i need to find a high enough paying job to be able to move out and still live comfortably.

All this isn't really an excuse as to be slacking off on my food and apricot kernals, but it just takes up so much of my time worrying about it that before i know it another day has lapsed without my natural medicine being taken.

I hope this clears a bit up for you guys,
sorry for the confusion
Dale.

My first.. "Blog"

And so it begins...
The previous posts before this one were written within the last 3-4 months straight into microsoft word as i was beginning to write a book but realised it was a bit sketchy and jumping back and forth to whatever sprung to mind, therefore i've turned it into a blog! enjoy.

I don’t know how or when I’m going to know when the end is, I just think that one day I won’t wake up, I’m not really sure if this pain is normal for someone who has cancer, or someone who is on the verge of dying as the disease spreads throughout there body, one thing I do know however, is that I haven’t been doing anything to prevent either of the current situations.

Every night I’ve been up ill, sometimes throwing up, sometimes falling asleep before I get the chance. My apricot kernels, I haven’t taken in 4 days, but I’m determined to get back to them as soon as I get the chance. I’ve fought so fucking hard, and tried for so long to get to be as healthy as I could be for the past 2 years.. February 2004, that’s how long I’ve had cancer for. Far too long in my opinion, people like to tell you what you should be doing and abuse you if you don’t do it, or look negatively on you if you don’t. but what they don’t understand is the amount of effort you’ve already put in with little to no return, it’s a lot like gambling, a gamblerholic keeps betting with money he doesn’t have because he’s so dillusional to think that maybe one day he’ll make a return on the money he’s already lost, that one day there has to be a gain.

It’s the same with my cancer, I’ve been fighting now for 2 good years hoping and praying that one day something will come out of it, but unlike a gamblerholic, I’ve come to the realization that maybe this isn’t so, and I don’t know how much more I can fight.

The end before the beginning

This is the last bit of my story up until my most recent blog about to come on.. so read up before you begin...! :)

Please feel free to comment on all of my posts as well.

A flash of light appears in front of my face as I’m halfway underway the hardest period of my treatment and sleeping off the Monday that had past, wondering if they were glimpses of my childhood and scared to shit that this would be my last night alive I grasped my girlfriends hand tightly. Again the flash comes in front of my face and I open my eyes just to be sure it’s not something foreign. 3 times more it happens and I finally decide that yes it is my death I’m facing tonight until on the 4^th time I hear my girlfriend say “ooh, what was that” I open my eyes quickly and go “what was what” she replies “I think I just saw some lightning” to me thinking lightning so I’m not going crazy, I try keeping my eyes open just long enough to see that it is before I continue to have a half hour conversation with her firstly discussing my thoughts when the first flash came across, and how she would’ve liked me to have woken her if I was worried or something was wrong so she could take me to the hospital, she’s so lovely, then discussing completely random things as she randomly got hungry at 3am in the morning and munching on Salada’s while hugging our new puppy and chatting away.

I think it’s important to have someone so willing to be there for me, she in no way deserves to have to go through the kind of stuff that I do and see me the way I am. And I can’t believe she puts up with half the stuff she does.

Plus some more.. if you wish to read on..

I see cancer in some ways, looking at it as optimistically as possible, as a blessing. God or whoever is up there looking down on us has given me this disease for a reason, whether it be to teach me a lesson or for me to teach others the lesson I’m not quite sure of, but I believe I’ve been given it so that I don’t take advantage of life so much and I start being healthy and looking after my body, and also, that I create awareness of a serious life threatening and often fatal disease to the wider sometimes narrow minded communities.

To be honest, even when my Grandfather had bowel cancer at 60, I had little to know understanding of what exactly was going on, and okay so I was young, but really I had the ability to learn about it I just decided to take it for what it was. And a lot of people do that, they accept that they have it and they begin the treatment that the medical doctors prescribe. But why just do that, why not expand and look outside the square and try alternative therapies, yoga, herbs, acupuncture, when the outlook is bleak, anything is worth a try.

You know what, lifes funny, one minute you’re on top of the world the next you’re a worthless heap of self pity with extreme anxiety making yourself sick to the stomach worrying about things that are out of your control. You try so hard to be someone you’ve always promised yourself you’d be but fell so shockingly short that no one was surprised when you did. You can relate everything you do to one bad part of your life and then once it begins everything revolves around it until your stomach churns for some relief.

You do things you’d not normally do, make stupid mistakes and say stupid things, the one girl who you’d finally let your heart go for, the girl that made you fall incredibly hard, you feel the thud a thousand times as worse when you tell her that maybe it’s not working and you don’t think she can handle it. It hasn’t even begun and the stress is starting to take it’s toll on the both of you.

You know it’s love when the bottom of your stomach tells you what you’re saying when you’re trying to be compassionate and let her go is not the right thing to be saying, but you’re not following your stomach, you’re following your head, she doesn’t deserve anything like this for she’s beautiful in every way possible.

What do you do in this kind of circumstance?

Love is a very funny thing, some people say you can’t know what it is after such a short time but I turn my nose up to that opinion, love can’t be measured with time, or distance or anything, love measures itself, you just know, you get that funny feeling in your stomach when you know you’re going to see her soon, or when you’re talking about her, you long to touch her lips when you see her again and you can’t imagine life would be quite the same without her there to share it with.

I’ve shared my life with few, truly opened up to so very few, but when you believe someone’s the one how do you tell them that you don’t want to break their hearts.

The day before you’re about to take the step to settling into chemotherapy once again and the anxiety feels like it’s going to kill me long before any cancer will. My mind going a million miles an hour with my stomach churning twice that speed, and I’m seriously questioning my courage and whether or not I can do this a second time around.

And if I can, what are my reasons for it am I really doing it for me, or for everyone else, because I remember promising myself that I would never get chemotherapy again regardless of the extent of its return.

As strange as it sounds I think I always knew it would be back, it was just a matter of when, I was happy to of made it to my 18^th birthday and I made it to 19 so that’s at least a pretty good milestone.

I’d be happy to make it to 21, and then to have some kids and see them get to that age too, but I guess its natural selection, and maybe I wasn’t supposed to make it past 20.

How negative are those thoughts you say, well they aren’t, I’m positive that I will put in all the effort I can to beat this sucker, but realistically, and from a medical point of view, the chances aren’t in my favour.

I’m not afraid of dying; it’s the waiting for it to happen that scares the shit out of me.

Being faced with death every day is something that you become somewhat accustomed too, well as much as possible anyway, I think the days are easy, getting chemo pumped through your body and with nurses all around you in purple outfits stopping the potent ness of chemotherapy from entering their bodies. But it’s the night times that are bad, it’s the day before chemotherapy and I’ve come home from sizzler without a thought on my mind except sleeping off the extra 5 kgs I’ve just eaten, and I awake at 12.30 in desperate need of the toilet, once I get there your mind starts to wonder, it’s night time, you’re all alone, it’s so quiet you can’t hear a sound, and the thoughts that were suppressed in the back of your head, suddenly all rush out at once and fills your stomach with an uneasing anxiety. How do you get rid of it, you start feeling ill but it’s all in your mind, and you don’t know how on earth you’re going to get back to sleep, you crawl into bed and sip on some water and hold yourself. That’s the cancer, playing tricks with your mind.

My father said that it’s all in the mind, and I think a great deal of it is, before I found out I was sick I felt fine, I didn’t have any tiredness or much else, but then when you realize what is wrong with you, you start feeling the symptoms more often, I sometimes wonder that if I never found out that I had cancer, would my life just continue, and because my attitude never waivered would the cancer just go away, of course it’s a ridiculous assumption because it would overtake my body and I would eventually fade away, but wouldn’t it be great if it were so.

The beginning or somewhere in between... my story.

Being told you’ve got cancer is one thing, but being told you’re just getting chemo to extend your life and not to eventually cure you, is a whole other ball game, I didn’t know what to say or do when it first came out of the doctors mouth “We can’t operate” but what is anyone supposed to say to that, you think you’re bulletproof after getting through 3 previous major operations 2 bouts of chemo and a 6 week stint of radiation and coming out the other side to be writing what I am right now, then only to realize that 2 days before your one year remission celebrations, the excitements cut short with some more bad news.

I guess I sort of knew, something didn’t feel right, it was just a matter of time before something came back and interrupted my life again, it’s just I was hoping it wouldn’t be so soon, my life had just started to fall into place, I’d finally found a job I was reasonably comfortable with, working in a gym getting an hour a day to workout and keep healthy, I had a girlfriend, she’d do anything for me and got along with her like no other. And I’d started being responsible and independent, living alone, paying bills, out in the real world dad would say.

People find it hard to believe how I can be so positive about it all, I mean, I can’t see why you would be negative about it, either if you have not very long left or it can be fixed, you still need to be positive, not very long left, well have the best fun you possibly can and do everything you’ve ever wanted to do in the time that you have, and if you can be fixed, then grit your teeth and smile and beat this bastard again.

I’d been given the first option and it wasn’t one I was willing to take, I was going to try every damned thing that had a chance of curing my cancer or shrinking it enough to operate on, I was going to grit my teeth and I sure as hell wasn’t going to roll over and die easily by any stretch of the imagination, that wasn’t me, I liked being a fighter, it was good to know that you had such a hard challenge and if you could get on top of it, like I did last year, you felt like the Muhammad Ali of Cancer.

And I did, I felt like I was unstoppable, I wanted to help others, but most importantly, I wanted to find a cure. There’s little government funding in cancer research and so I did all that I could in order to raise money for the Queensland Cancer Fund.

Often people ask me why I don’t do it for canteen or organizations that help people living with cancer, and I guess it’s because I don’t want them to have to deal with it in the first place, if there’s a cure found, then these organizations won’t be packed to the brim with sick and ill kids and elderly. If you can’t tell it’s something I’m quite passionate about I just wish I only had the smarts to be able to do the research myself.

I see cancer as 98 percent attitude and 2 percent disease, I never once laid down to rest and let this thing get on top of me and take control and it wasn’t something that was going to happen in the future either, if you keep a positive attitude day in and day out, you’re killing that bastard don’t you worry about that.

You can go on and ask yourself why it’s happened to you and why not someone who’s done bad things in their life when you’ve done only harmless things, and sure, I’ve done that myself, but really at the end of the day it doesn’t make the cancer go away, so there’s little point in worrying about that. People can go through life raping, murdering, abusing their own bodies all sorts of things, but it’s you that has been dealt the shitty card, so work with what you’ve got.